.......

I walked through the local cemetery last night
It was so quiet, everyone was at peace
I felt so welcome, so at home
there among the deceased

I begun thinking, why do I continue on
why do I inhale even one more breath
when all I dream of is the eternal slumber
that can only be brought about by death

Grief and pain are the only inhabitants
of a soul which would otherwise be an empty space
Was it time for the end?
This was the choice which I faced

After all, everyday is merely a continuation
of the one which preceded it
There have ben times when I felt slightly hopeful
but there was never any hope when I most needed it

And there is little I wish to recall
the years are wrought with sadness
I've lost my mind, a million times
but I always find it again within madness

As my heart has drifted along
I knew it could not stay afloat
with each day that passed
I felt it sink deeper in misery's boat

So there, amongst the dead
I came to the conclusion
That it was time to bring
an end to my life's illusions

The blood flowed like a river
as I took a razor to my wrist
I would have made preparations, said good-byes
but, I doubt I'll be missed

It became so cold
as everything went black
for the first time, I felt peace
because I knew there was no going back

No hope. No dreams. No anything.
I had no further reason to try
I no longer wished to live
I do not regret the decision I made to die

Scary Cabin

I'm going cabin camping at Seneca Colelge at King City next week. it's a film camp.. so we're going to be filming day to night.. probably won't sleep.

and I got a glimps of the cabin we're staying in:


looks scary but it's actually quite nice inside

..............

all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy
all work and no play makes Clem a dull boy

funny videos

These videos might be a bit offensive but it's funny though.. haha




this is another funny one:

think I'm going insane, depression is hitting me like a ton a bricks..

a few months ago I think in November, I told most people that I was going in for sugery, and I did... however the sugery was classified as being "Unsucessful", this really bothered me, and I couldn't get a good night sleep in months, so I fell into depression even more... then about 2 months ago I think, I had my body X-rayed again, and when I got the results, there was actually nothing physically wrong with me... but yet I am still in pain... I went to the doctors, and then check up after check ups.. we found out it was all psychological, and that the pain I'm feeling is a all generated in my mind caused by stress and past events of my life....

so now I'm seeking help from a psychiatrist, who's actually helping me a lot.. funny thing is I've heard of these cases before where people think they're in pain but it's just his mind telling them that... I just thought this would never happend to me.


what sucks is that this is also making my spiritual life go downhill too, since all this has happened I just didn't want to talk to God anymore, even though I still go to church and serve, I don't even know if I can still be considered a christian anymore, I drifted so far away from God and from my friends.

when I was young I always dreamed about being 20 something cuz I would have so much freedom hence I could be more happy. this isn't exactly what I had it mind and now I wish I was younger like 16 or something. I wish I can just end it all, die very soon so I can go up to heaven and then I won't be in pain anymore.

you know you're in trouble when you think there are things out there worth more than you life.....

The Fourth Horseman

When He opened the fourth seal, I heard the voice of the fourth living creature saying "Come and see". So I looked, and behold, a pale horse, and the name of him who sat on it was Death, and Hades followed with him. And power was given to them over a fourth of the earth, to kill with sword, with hunger, with death, and by the beasts of the earth... revelations 6:7-9


I always wanted to be the fourth horseman..

The Prophet's Question

O Lord, how long shall I cry
And You will not hear?
Even cry to you, "Violence!"
And You will not save.
Why do you show me iniquity,
And cause me to see trouble?
For plundering and violence are
before me;
There is strife, and contention arises.
Therefore the law is powerless,
And justice never goes forth,
For the wicked surround the righteous;
Therefore perverse judgement
proceeds.